Birth Guilt

So, last night my daughters (1,4) and I watched Orgasmic Birth during PinkPeas movie night.  It was a great movie depicting normal birth.  Isabela, my four year old will surely be a midwife by the time she is twelve.  She helped to catch her baby sister and has stated that she does not need our midwives help in catching this baby.  She enjoys listening to "baby sounds" and palpating moms bellies during prenatal times.  She loves watching birth videos and asks for them at home like other children ask for their favorite cartoon.  She is a birth advocate through and through she believes to her core that babies should be born at home.  She was born in the hospital.  This is a fact that I attempted to overlook for some time.  I knew she would not be happy about having been born in the hospital so I chose to try to avoid the conversation like a true wimp.  The time came when I could no longer take the easy way out so I decided we would talk about her birth.  She cried and cried she said she didn't like that she said "those doctors took me away from you and they gave me a bath and I was cold and I didn't like it I wanted my mommy and I wanted nana's (our word for nursing)"  I was shocked by her clear memory seeing as we had not previously discussed it and she had only been exposed to home birth since her hospital birth.  I felt terrible!  I apologized to her and we got through it.  Her belief that birth belongs at home was only strengthened after discussing her own story.  Back to last night, there was a typical hospital birth, invterventions and all, shown to contrast the normal births that were taking place primarily at home in the movie.  Now I did not have any interventions during Isabela's birth but we were in the hospital.  When the hospital scene began Isabela had a not so minor melt down.  She cried as if she was terribly pained.  I asked what was wrong and she blubbered out "I don't like the hospital part mommy!"  I assured her that there would soon be a homebirth and she tried to get herself together.  She seemed to be calming down when she looked at me and said "mommy I don't like it when babies are born in the hospital, doctors take babies from there mommies midwives NEVER take babies away!"  I hugged her and she was fine after the next homebirth.  I of course am reminded that the decision I thought was best at the time for myself  and my child hurt her.  We had a beautiful natural hospital birth a healthy mom and a healthy baby and still four years later she remembers that those dotcors take babies away!